


Ben Solo lives dammit: Alternate ending to Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

by RJ_Smiles



Series: Ben Solo Lives Dammit Part 1 [1]
Category: Reylo - Fandom, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker
Genre: Adult Content, Alternate Ending, Ben Solo Lives, Devoted Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Inappropriate Use of the Force, Jedi, Jedi Ben Solo, Kylo Ren Redemption, Movie: Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, POV Finn (Star Wars), POV Kylo Ren, POV Rey (Star Wars), Possessive Kylo Ren, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Redeemed Ben Solo, Telepathy, The Force, The Force Ships It, Top Kylo Ren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:08:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22127650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RJ_Smiles/pseuds/RJ_Smiles
Summary: I do not own any of these original characters. I will also be responsible for numerous mistakes on Jedi lore and the universe as I am new to this fandom!This is my take on what happens after the events of TROS where Ben Solo lives.*****The wind whistled through Ben's hair as he fell...
Relationships: Reylo
Series: Ben Solo Lives Dammit Part 1 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1592797
Comments: 19
Kudos: 103





	1. The Fall

The wind whistled through Ben’s hair as he fell. 

He called up the force. Rage--so quick to answer his call as always—burned through him. 

*Palpatine laughs*

 _No._

He twists the energy towards serenity. He must slow his fall he must… 

He hits his shoulders on a ledge which sends him spinning. 

_Fear and pain._

_NO._

He rips the fear from him and focuses it into a burning point of clarity. Breathing out, he flings the force around him, clawing to the sides of the cavern. It slows him down but it isn’t enough. He crashes onto a ledge.

He feels and hears his leg shatter beneath him. White hot pain shoots like lightning up his spine. His body feels as though it is compressing and exploding all at once. He wants to scream but instead tries to breath in short bursts as the pain ricochets around his body.

The adrenaline and purpose that had him sprinting into the Sith temple turns sour in his mouth. With rising bile he realizes he has failed. Both he and Rey will die here. What a fool he was thinking he could be the hero. He was still just a broken boy ‘playing’ at being a Jedi. 

*Palpatine laughs*. _What a fool. Thinking you could change. Thinking you could help when all you do is destroy and fail. Rey is mine._

His voice feeds into Ben’s despair, frustration and shame. As he lies there on the ledge, broken and impotent he begins to weep. 

“Its over.”

_Be with me._

Rey?

_Be with me._

She is still alive! 

_Be with me._

There is still time. Hope burns in his chest- Rey's hope and her resolve. With a groan he sits up. And then he stands. He staggers- his head dizzy with pain and relief and he begins to climb. Every misstep and pull of his shoulder is agony. His mind is muddied by the pain. Unable to properly focus he flings the force above him like a cudgel: madly scrambling up the wall. 

He can feel rather than hear the ghosts arrive. They flutter down like so many leaves. Unlike the crackling, burning heat of the dark side they are cold, bright and clear. The world around him eases. The pain of his body does not disappear but it releases its tyrannical hold on his mind. 

_Everything will be alright._

He continues to climb. Suddenly the air around him seems to pressurize. His ears pop. A powerful surge of dark energy nearly pushes him off the wall. He has never felt power like this before. He clings to the wall for a second, shaking. This is abominable hatred. This is a sucking, grasping energy that feeds off of anything in its relentless pursuit of power.

He continues to climb. He cannot give in to fear, not even as the world above him is ripped apart in the battle between dark and light. He feels the dark, sucking force of Palpatine fade. 

But then Rey’s life does too. 

_No._

_NO._

He feels her life fade just as the ghosts also dissipate.

_NO!_

A fear more powerful than he had ever known pulses through him. He flings himself up the last ledge and staggers towards her. His mind aches. Her familiar constant presence that always danced on his periphery is gone. He feels a vast emptiness- an unmooring of her tether. Her body on the cold stone is the only thing he sees. It is the only thing in the universe. He gathers her into his arms.

Her heart had stopped. Her eyes stare blankly into the stars. 

_A dyad in the force._ Two parts of the same whole. He knows what he has to do. Rey had taught him that to heal you had to love. You had to love with absolute abandon in order to rip a piece of your life away to end someone else’ suffering. Ben breathed slowly and focuses. He begins to empty his life-force and push it into her. She had given him a piece of herself to heal him, now he was pouring himself into her. He could feel his own heartbeat slow. His breath began to shake. 

_Be with me._ He pleaded. 

He could feel her, the familiar tether, that pull of her mind and energy begin to flicker under his hands. 

Her hand touched his.

His whole body was burning as he felt her's rush back to life. 

“Ben?” She smiled up at him. All the redemption of the world was in that name, all the past was forgiven with that smile. She pulled him into a kiss as his heart stopped.

Without hesitating she deepened the kiss and poured her life back to him. They passed the kiss and their life back and forth, like the petals of a blooming flower. Neither one took it all as they shared their life. 

They broke finally and laughed. Relief and life made their heads spin. They lay back, hand in hand on the stone floor and watched as the fleet of star destroyers fell. 


	2. The Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey re-join the resistance.

They arrived separately at the resistance base.

At first, Ben had wanted to leave his TIE fighter behind but they found that they could not both fit in the X-wing. With his arm around Rey he hobbled towards his ship, wincing as his leg spasmed with pain. 

“Do not leave.” Rey said looking up at him as he climbed in. She had felt his hesitation. His impulse to now run and hide from the choice that he had made and the long journey back to redemption. 

_I’ll meet you there._ He promised as he started the engines. 

Rey climbed into the X-wing and watched the TIE fighter leave the atmosphere. 

When she landed a ring of guns already surrounded his ship. She could feel everyone’s confusion and fear. Most strong however was Finn’s anger. She climbed out of the cockpit and pulled off the helmet. Striding towards the ring she reached out to Ben

 _Nice welcoming committee._

_I don’t need you to speak for me._

She entered the ring as Ben stepped out of the fighter, clumsily struggling down the ladder with his broken leg. Without hesitating she walked up to him.

Finn hissed from behind her, “Rey?! What are you doing?” 

The circle of resistance fighters shifted nervously, adjusting their guns. Turning towards them she shouted

“Lower your weapons. Ben Solo has returned.” 

The circle shifted again but did not move or lower their guns. Whispers broke out but became silent as Finn strode angrily up to Rey. 

“Have you lost your mind?” He demanded. “Does he have control over it? After everything Ren has done? To you ! To….”. He stumbled over his words but hissed out “His own father?” 

Rey looked at him not without sympathy, under his anger and fear was a strong need to protect. Ben stepped up behind her.

“It is true. Kylo Ren is no more.” 

Finn raised his gun to rest under Ben’s chin. “Give me one good reason to not kill you.”

Ben looked him in the eyes. “Because I have lost everything else and would like to mourn my mother.” 

Rey placed her hand on Finn’s arm. “Please Finn, he saved my life.”

Silently to Finn she said

 _Do not give into your anger._

Finn hesitated for a moment longer, his rage and fear fighting with his trust of Rey and a faint flicker of pity. Finally, hands shaking, he lowered the gun. The ring around them lowered theirs as well. Whispering this time broke out in earnest. Rey observed how the fighters trust in Finn was stronger than their fear and quietly grinned.

 _General_ Finn. 

_Come._ She said to Ben. _I will take you to her_. 

The pair cut a wide swathe through the revelries and celebrations. Silence descended as they cut their way through the crowd. Clearings away, Rey could still hear the shouts and laughter as people recounted their stories of the battle. Here and there though, tiny pricks of grief shone strong as some fighters did not return. 

She led Ben out of the green, dappled light and into the quiet dark of the cave. 

_Over there_. She did not have to point. She placed a hand on his arm as he brushed past her. 

Her own grieving was not over. The space between them, their own thoughts and emotions had shortened but this, for Ben, was more than grief. She rocked slightly under the powerful wave of misery, shame and love that rose in him.

She tried to steady her breathing as Finn, with Poe in tow, strode up to her. 

“What is he doing here?” Poe demanded. 

“Ben is asking his mother for forgiveness. Please Poe, he saved my life.” 

Finn cut in. “Okay, but yeah, remember when you did the mind control on those guards? Rey I need you to blink twice if he’s controlling you.” 

“He’s not Finn. You have to trust me. Plus you know deep-down already that he has turned over to the light.” 

“Yeah but what if this is a long-game” Poe asked. “What if that’s what he wants you to believe? We can’t make judgement calls on friendship. We have to ensure the safety of everyone. He could be a sleeper spy.” 

“Poe” she answered. “I can assure you he is not. Now if you won’t take my word for it, it was Leia’s last energy that drew him over to us.” She'd almost said: _to me_.

“Once again, he saved my life. I was dead Poe, and he brought me back.” 

Both Finn and Poe looked sceptical at this. Rey sighed. She was going to have to explain being a Dyad but still didn’t quite know how or what that was herself.

“Listen." She said, trying a different tactic. "He is our most valuable asset for the resistance right now. Names locations, he can give us more information than we have ever had before. Plus, if its any consolation, I will keep my eye on him.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you will” Finn scoffed. 

They lit a funeral pyre for Leia in the middle of the night when the stars were the brightest. Smoke from the fire rose in curling tendrils, reaching into the sky. The gathered members of the resistance, Ben, Rey, Finn and Poe all openly wept. She wanted to reach out to Ben, to grieve with him but he was still roiling with emotions, fighting with shame, fear, regret and love. As the pyre burned through the night they kept vigil. The resistance slowly trickled away to sleep away the exhaustion of the battle. Some left to privately grieve while others silently slipped away to deal with their shock of still being alive.

C3PO walked up to Rey as if to say something, but for the first time in the droid’s life, words escaped him. He shuffled away into the dark. Soon, all that was left was Rey, Ben, Finn and Poe. Finn sat on the ground with the resolve of staying up, but was snoring within a few minutes. Poe sidled up to Rey. 

“Do you really believe he is good now?” He asked quietly as they looked through the roaring flames at the face of their old enemy. 

Rey nodded. 

“Then that is good enough for me” he said and clapped Rey on the shoulder.

Turning to Leia he said “Rest easy general. I will not let you down. You taught me that the sacrifice of a single life is worth more than any battle won.” Poe’s voice broke. “May the force you had also guide me.”

With tears in his eyes he turned away into the night. 

Through the rest of the night Rey and Ben kept vigil. As the dawn broke the howling pain of their grief was tempered into a dull ache. As the first rays of sun touched the ashes Ben and Rey nodded to each other in silent agreement and lifted their hands. The ashes on the ground and around them scattered in the grass, their clothes and hair began to lift and collect into a ball. Together they compressed the ashes into charcoal and then tighter and harder. Both straining with the force with their hands shaking, they compressed Leia’s ashes into a single diamond. The diamond shone between them, catching and playing with the light of early dawn. Ben plucked it from the air and offered it to Rey. 

_She was your master._

Rey closed his hand around it. 

_Before that she was your mother._

Ben nodded. He resolved to put the diamond, his mother’s light, on the pommel of his new saber. If he made a new one that is. The thought made him tired. 


	3. Dreams of the Future

The two Jedi slept for two days. In their dreaming they sought each other. She found Ben’s spirit seated on the limb of a giant tree.

_It’s strange. But I’ve missed green. Living things._ Ben stated

With her mind she showed him her memory of Jakku. Places of her childhood where nothing grew but rust. She also showed him the first time she saw a green planet and shared the joy she had felt. The memory stuttered and faded when it recalled Han's face.

_I saw him…after you healed me._ Gratitude flooded from him.

 _Yes, well. I DID stab you first._ They both chuckle.

_He gave me the strength to face my past…and leave it behind me._

The dream shifts and they are standing back on Starkiller Base. They gazed together in collective memory on Han’s death. Rey is surprised to feel no anger. Han was willing to die for his son, as was Leia.

_How could you do it?_ It was no longer an accusation.

_The dark side tells you that all attachment is weak. To love is to be vulnerable. Those without attachments and love have a clearer purpose. Snoke told me the force was concentrated in the user then: when they had nothing…Funny the Jedi code says the same thing._

_Not exactly_ , she countered, _Love leads to fear. But only if you are afraid of losing it. Love, pure love, and compassion without regard for the future, is the greatest thing we fight for. Losing those we love only shows us how precious it is. We cannot fear loss for it is inevitable._

The dream changes again and they are back on Exegol in each others arms. The sudden rush of emotions is too much for either of them. Love, gratitude, tenderness…Ben clears his throat and the dream fades.

_You were the only light in my darkness for a long time. I clung to you desperately but… would understand if…you_

Rey interrupts him. _All I know is Kylo Ren._

He flinches at that name.

_I would like to get to know Ben Solo._

In the dream he stands and drifts closer. They reach out to each other just as Rey awakes.

Rey awakens from the dream.

_Ben?_

The pull towards him deepens in her gut. She can feel his need for her.

Quietly, Rey sits in her bunk and pulls on her boots. She pads silently across the small chamber she used to share with Leia.

Rey leaves the cave and is out in the sleeping world of the forest. Thankfully the nights on this planet last 17 hours. The sudden chill and excitement causes the fine hairs on her arms to stand. She can see a handful of fires in the distance but turns her back on them to go deeper into the gloom of the underbrush.

Just like in their dream, she finds him, this time standing in a clearing. She knows that wherever he went in the universe she would be able to find him.

He turns towards her. Their emotions run the same course. Relief, love, fear, joy. He offers his hand with an ironic smile.

Rey ignores his hand to walk right up to him. His presence fills her, clouding her own, making her head spin. His calm, steady mind flickers with slight apprehension before he touches her face gently.

 _Rey._ In her mind his voice echoes like a sigh.

He leans down to kiss her. She wraps her arms around him and leans into his chest. Unlike the kiss on Exegol this one is slow, gentle and tentative. The desperation is gone. Instead of passing life back and forth they pass memories. Memories of each other and their longing and desire to be together: the night in the cabin, the fight in Snoke’s throne room; his battle for light, for _her;_ her own battle to win back the light in him, despite her fear and anger.

When they break the kiss Ben’s breath is ragged. Rey’s also stutters. She smiles up at him and touches his face, his hair. He cradles the back of her neck and pulls her into his shoulder, wrapping his arms around her.

At the same time they ask

_What do we do now?_


	4. A New Direction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben receive advice from Maz that decides their next moves.

They meet the next morning in the mess tent. Rey dumps things on her plate recklessly while Ben follows behind her, silent and limping on his new cast. Here again, stares and whispers follow them. Rey does not seem to notice.

They sit down. Ben’s plate is empty while Rey’s is heaping. She begins to eat loudly with her hands.

Ben is quietly appalled and raises his eyebrows.

“What?” Rey asks, her mouth full of food.

Finn and Poe enter the tent. Both glance in their direction. Poe puts his hand on Finn’s shoulder and leads them to another table, landing in with some of the key advisors, cartographers and pilots.

Maz walks into the tent. Without grabbing a tray she purposefully strides up to their table and sits next to Ben.

“I can sense your confusion and hesitation. I am not a Jedi but I can offer you the gift of an old Lady’s wisdom.”

Ben can feel Finn’s glare on the back of his neck. Rey, mercifully, stops eating to listen.

“You are the last two remaining Jedi.” Ben looks down at his empty tray. Still unsure of this title. “It is up to you to restore balance and train a new generation. If I were you I would gather force-sensitive younglings to train. Or, at the very least, to protect.”

Rey’s brows knit. “What about the resistance?” She asks.

“In the past, the Jedi were peacekeepers. They were teachers, philosophers, advocates and ambassadors. Much stronger than wielding a lightsaber is the ability to make sure no weapons are drawn at all. Besides,” she said, glancing meaningfully towards Ben, “one of you may not be ready to hold a saber for a long while.”

Ben flushes with shame.

Rey speaks: “I have grieved both Luke and Leia. I think it would be proper to give them a final rest. Will you take their sabers and hold them as you once did?”

Maz shakes her head. “I am getting old. Who knows where they will end up when I am gone? No, you must do what you see fit. And maybe make new ones...when you are ready.” She places her tiny hand on Ben’s arm.

Rey pokes listlessly at her food. “I cannot abandon this fight. And besides, how would we find force-sensitive beings anyways?”

“I’ll do it” Ben surprises her enough to look up. “I can feed the resistance information and find new beings to train.” Rey can sense his…relief? Resolve begins to shine bright in him, burgeoning like a cloud. With a flash of clarity she can see his future written by his determination to be better than his previous teachers—to leave the fighting behind and to _trust_ his students. _This_ is how he will redeem himself. This feels right.

Something clicks in his energy like a circle closing. His uncertainty and hesitation wash away. Rey is quietly relieved for him.

Maz glances over at Rey. “And what about you?”

“I don’t know.” She can feel Ben staring at her, silently pleading her to come with him. In her heart she wants the same, so suddenly united. But something itches at the back of her mind.

“I need to bury the Skywalker sabers where no one will find them. Where they can finally rest. Then I need to make one of my own. My first ever saber. One that is not borrowed.” She looks up at them both. Over Ben’s shoulder she sees Finn and Poe. “My time in the resistance is not over. But I _will_ help you teach and protect these younglings. I can scout out a place to bring them. Somewhere far from the Empire.”

Maz nods. “Take your time with this. And may the force guide you to your fates.”


	5. Ben and Chewie

Rey is packing her things. Once again she glances around the tiny chamber to see if she is forgetting anything. Master Leia taught her that the Jedi do not own material possessions. A Jedi understands that their time in the Universe is limited. Anything they own they are simply stewards over until it was their time to pass it along. However, since meeting Finn and starting this journey, she has more now then what she ever owned on Jakku. Taking stock she looks over her pile. Her pistol, a DT-44, standard issue. She picks it up to check if it is loaded and greased and puts it into her holster on her side. Her staff, of course, starting to look a little battered, leans in the corner. Also in the pile is warm clothes, a different pair of boots, canteens (one for water one for electrolytes), some republic credits (stolen), her bedroll, dehydrated food and water purifier. She makes a mental note to pick up some first-aid spray before she leaves. Among the essentials there is also a tiny carved figurine that Finn made for her of the Falcon and some scrap metal and wire. Despite being comfortable with less, Rey finds it still difficult to leave (potentially) valuable metal and materials behind.

Last is the twin sabers, wrapped in cloth. Rey sighs and begins to tie up her hair.

Suddenly she feels a dip in her stomach, like the feeling of falling. Panic ripples from Ben. In the next instant gun-fire breaks out outside, shattering the quiet sounds of camp. Rey sprints to the entrance of the cave. People are shouting and running in the forest.

Rey runs towards the gunfire.

She passes people running in both directions: towards and away from the shooting. Shouting and confusion break the placid order of the base. She passes resistance members scrambling out of their tents with guns in hand. Up ahead she can hear a terrible roaring.

_Chewbacca._

In the clearing with the Millennium Falcon Ben stands alone against rapid gunfire. He is deflecting and dodging but it seems almost in slow motion compared to the onslaught from Chewie’s bowcaster. The two circle each other, Chewbacca steadily and lethally advancing while Ben slowly backs away, his hands outstretched, wincing as he puts weight on his bad leg.

Ben deflects a blast and it explodes next to Chewie’s head, trying not to hurt him but to get him to duck. Blinded with rage however Chewie does not even so much as flinch and continues his steady advance.

“Chewie” Ben shouts, “listen to me! I know you’re angry!” He narrowly ducks as a blast hisses over his head.

“I know what I did, and I’m sorry!”

Chewie howls with anger and grief. He fires off five more blasts but runs out of ammunition. Without hesitating, he throws the bowcaster down and grabs a pistol from his belt. Taking this tiny interlude Ben uses the force to push Chewie. The wookie senses this attack however and braces into the soft dirt. The two are then locked together: Chewie fighting the force, bracing against the power that pushes him back while Ben, sweating, tries to knock him over. The ground under Chewie begins to give and roaring, the big wookie falls forward onto all fours. Ben lets up his attack. The two breathe heavily. Rey finally becomes aware of a large crowd surrounding them amidst dead silence.

Chewie suddenly springs forward, taking Ben by surprise. Without bothering to pick up a gun he tackles Ben. Ben tries to brace but his leg gives out and they both crash to the ground.

_Stop! Both of you!_ But she has a hard time reaching either of them. She can sense Chewie’s clear intention to kill Ben. He had sparred his life the first time, missing Ben’s heart with the bowcaster on D’Qar, and now was free of pity for the boy he had help raise. Ben for his part was a mixture of fear and guilt. He had grown up with Chewie and had loved him deeply.

The two grappled in the dirt. The wookie’s extra size, strength and determination would kill Ben, while Ben, for his part, struggled to not hurt his old friend. Deep within Ben, Rey can feel an ironic satisfaction. _He wants this. He wants to be hurt for what he did._ Rey knows that he will not win this fight. 

Rey closed her eyes.

She pictured Han. She called up the love she had felt for him, his maddening quips, the stupid way he sauntered, and all the knowledge and compassion behind his bravado. She reached out to Chewie. In the ghost of Han’s voice she repeated:

*“ _My son.”*_

The wookie hesitated a fraction of a second. That was enough for Ben to get out of his grasp and lurch to his feet. Chewie stayed on the ground. Still breathing hard, Chewbacca spoke:

“Cannot forgive.”

Ben nodded and between breaths said: “I know.”


	6. Ben's meditation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben meditates for the first time in a while (POV). He sorts through his emotions of fear, isolation and love for Rey.

Ben was trying to sleep. He tossed and turned in his bunk. The quartermaster had given him his own tent on the stipulation that he “didn’t even think of trying anything.” Unlike the domed, solar mesh tents that the rest of the resistance carried (complete with coms and heating) he had received a simple organic fibre one. The wind carried through the fabric and the sounds of the Arjan Kloss’s indigenous species whistled, hummed and slithered in the night. He had found a particularly leg-y creature in one of his boots this morning.

His leg throbbed rhythmically with his heartbeat. He lightly tapped the metal, robotic cast that enabled him to still walk while his bones healed. Like the quartermaster, the surgeon on duty looked at him with distrust. She had treated him with efficiency however, despite her misgivings. She was worn out, exhausted after the fight on Exegol. Her daughter, a small child of about six, was running around as her assistant. He had tried to smile at the child but she hid behind the nearest gurney.

He sighed and sat up. The future of teaching a new school had given him purpose again, a future to attain. He would no longer be a mindless soldier. He could give force-sensitive the chance to learn and grow in safety…But there were still some things he needed to work through. He thought of reaching out to Rey but decided against it. These things he had to work out on his own.

He wrapped his thin blanket around his shoulders and left his tent. He picked a nearby tree and stretched his bad leg out in front of him to sit. For a second he glanced at the stars—feeling the diamond he now wore around his neck. Ben closed his eyes.

Meditation was largely a Jedi practice. Snoke had taught him, instead of calming his mind, to use his racing thoughts, confusion and chaos to fuel his emotions, to feed into the dark energies. It had been a while since he had tried to really reach himself.

Breathing slowly, he used the steady pulsing in his leg to concentrate on. With some trepidation he opened himself up to the light.

He was immediately swamped with emotions, sadness, grief, misery shame. He saw his mother’s body burning, the fear in the doctors daughter’s eyes. He also experienced, all over again, the misery and hatred of Chewbacca, rolling towards him like a lethal wave as he tried to dodge his fire. He saw the back of Rey, as she shouted to the crowd to not kill him but in the next moment his mind flashed to her dead body in his arms in Exegol. His breathing grew ragged.

Trying to regain control he went back- back to Luke standing over him with fear in his eyes as well, his saber over his head. He thinks that, ironically, Snoke had not feared him, despised and belittled him, yes, but did not fear. He recalls his training with the knights of Ren. Every new apprentice that he had started to respect or admire Snoke had made him kill. In the end, to save their lives, he had blocked himself off from growing attached to them. He also, too-late, remembers the millions of Stormtroopers he had used as mere pawns, sending them into battle to die by the thousands. Finn’s face swims before his mind. How many had died under his orders? He had used fear as his weapon for so long, to coerce and torture people with his presence. To demand the utmost obedience. People stilled feared him, but it no longer gave him power over them, it just closed them off from him. He was isolated and alone. He shakes his head.

_Never again._ He vows.

His mind drifts back to Rey like a gravitational pull. He recalls meeting her in the woods on Takodana. He had wanted to both kill her and take her as his own. Fully embroiled in the dark side, he had only wanted _possession_. That feeling rose up in him still now. He wanted to keep her, to lock her away in isolation for himself only. He knew it was wrong. Her words echoed in his head:

_We cannot fear loss_.

But the thought of losing her was still too much to bear. He had already gone through it once. He wanted to protect her, until the end of his days, selfishly, so that he would not experience that screaming emptiness again. He thought of her in his arms last night: their kiss. He had, in that moment, wanted to possess her again. He had fought the rising tide of dark, frenzied passion—the mad instinct of carrying her off to a distant planet, to jealously be the thief of her time and attention. He had struggled to let her go last night. The clinging, desperate love he had for her was corrupted by greed. The worst part of this was, she would have gone along with him, if he had asked in that moment. They were too far-gone into each other. Their lives and thoughts and dreams overlapped too much. 

Deep down however, he knew she would be unhappy living _only_ for him. It was not in her nature. She was too generous. Too open. 

He was not ready. He recognized there, under the tree and the stars ,that this would be his biggest obstacle towards the light. He still could not give up his selfish passion for his other half—the only person in the galaxy who did not look on him with fear or hatred...this would take time.

Ben sighs and opens his eyes.

For the rest of the night he travels outwards, looking amongst the stars for flickers of the force.

****

Rey had had a restless and light sleep, feeling Ben’s turmoil. She was haunted by dreams of her own death, recalling the strange emptiness and lightness of her body as Ben called her back. Burning lightning had danced behind her eyes and she could hear the echoes of maniacal laughter…

She shook the dreams out of her head and pulled her boots on.

_Back to work._

She found Ben in the clearing. He looked so at peace with his eyes closed, slouched under a blanket under a great tree. His eyes shifted behind his eyelids, searching. She felt his mind move across distant space. He was not here. She paused in front of him, taking this moment of brief solitude to really scrutinize him. His black, tousled hair fell over his face and the lines by his mouth had softened. His broad shoulders were slumped forward. The proud, wary prince was not as old as she had previously thought. She was surprised to notice the scar on the side of his face (the scar that _she_ had given him), was gone.

_I don’t remember doing that…_ she muses.

She crouches before him and touches his shoulder. She lightly taps his consciousness. Like a drop into a wide pool, she can feel his energy ripple from this point--with her in the woods--out towards distant star-systems, strange planets, huge moons, across asteroid belts and supernovas. Despite being spread thinly, his reach is staggering.

She can feel his energy shift and come pouring back in, rushing back to this point in the wide, wide galaxy.

He smiles slightly and grabs her hand on his shoulder without opening his eyes.

_Goodmorning._

His eyes open. Rey is suddenly aware of how close she is, as the full force of his energy returns and focuses on her. She is practically sitting on his lap! She can smell him, see the shades of brown in his eyes. Suddenly embarrassed she pulls away.

_I, uh…came to grab you for the council meeting._

If he is hurt he does not show it.

He rubs his eyes with one hand, straightens and groans. The blanket falls of his shoulders.

_I think my legs are asleep._

She helps him to his feet.

 _What did you find?_ She asks.

 _Not much._ He admits. _They are either very well hidden or are unaware of their force abilities. I found a few that were already lost to chaos._

They begin to walk slowly towards camp: Ben hobbling with Rey’s help.

_However, there was a strong force concentration on Canto Bight. I intend to go check it out._


	7. Council Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The council meets to discuss the Resistance's next moves, and to decide the fate of Kylo Ren.  
> Finn POV.

POV Finn:

The council chamber serves as the war-room, the communications hub and is also, at this time, temporarily serving as storage (space is limited). The holographic screens depicting maps of star systems have been switched off this morning although they can still hear the soft beeping and whirring as the machines track factions of the resistance on other planets. Droids work quietly in the corner, transmitting communications, jotting down the meeting notes and translating the proceedings. The council members are seated on packing crates of ammunition in a rough circle. Finn thinks this is ironic.

_One little spark in here and our resistance asses are toast._

The council consists of the three generals: himself, Poe and Rose. Also here is Lando and Maz. In the centre of the rough circle, a holographic projector shows commander Tethys (in orbit) and a potential powerful ally, the wealthy supplier, an Ishi Tib merchant Dai-li.

The room falls silent as Rey and Kylo enter.

 _Together,_ Finn notes with a flicker of anger.

They both take their seats, Kylo clumsily with his leg.

Finn notes with increasing bitterness how the two of them seem to shift and flow around the room--around and outside of what is said out loud: cooly aloof. Their connection was something he had never understood. He had been worried about losing Rey to the dark side but now was simply afraid of losing Rey. And like! To some broken stranger with a lightsaber. It was gross. Just because he was _Solo’s_ son. Finn seemed to be the only one who could still sense the darkness in him. Finn's back spasmed with a ghostly pain. 

Rey glances over in his direction but he avoids her gaze.

Rose starts them off, addressing the circle at-large: “I hope you have all had a chance to recover. Our “victory” on Exegol was tenuous at best. I am glad to see so many of you still here.” She smiles ruefully before addressing the Holograms: “Thank you Dai-Li for joining us. On behalf of the Resistance I look forward to working with you.”

Dai-Li inclines her head.

Rose clears her throat: “Let’s start with what we know: the former supreme chancellor, Palpatine is dead. But that does not mean the First Order is.”

Both Rey and Kylo look down. Finn can see Kylo’s hands tighten, gripping his leg.

Rose continues, “However, despite that victory we had no idea, until a few months ago, that such a powerful and huge force was still alive in the galaxy. This is inexcusable.” She looks around the circle. “We need to employ higher amounts of under-cover operatives-“

Poe raises an eyebrow, “You mean spies?”

“Well, yes.” Rose states. “Call them what you like. The fact remains, we should never be caught like that unprepared again. That was incredibly dangerous. If it had gone wrong…” She shakes her head. “It is a miracle that we are here today.”

“It isn’t your fault” Kylo offers. “The dark side can cloud the truth, hide what is evident-”

“You would know” Finn snaps.

Poe chimes in—interrupting the glares the two men are sending each other, “I agree, we need more operatives in the First Order. Lando? You probably know a few people, good at hiding. Maybe with pockets of intel?”

Lando nods his head. “I can call up a few favors” he admits. “I have old friends who are used to flying under cover.” He winks meaningfully at Poe.

Rose looks at Finn, “We, fortunately, keep finding pockets of defected storm-troopers. Finn, it will be your job moving forward, to infiltrate those still under the New Order and convince them to join our The Resistance.”

Finn is surprised. “You want me to go back into the First Order… undercover?!” The thought of putting the helmet back on makes him shudder.

“No” Rose explains gently, sensing his panic. “We ask that you start a liberation campaign from the outside. Be transparent. Show them what we stand for. You know better than anyone how indoctrinated the storm-troopers are. Who better to change their minds? Show them that they have a choice.”

“How will I get the message to them?” Finn asks.

“I will leave that to you.”

Finn falls silent and quietly contemplates this.

The flickering image of commander Tethys speaks: “We need massive repairs on our fleet. We took heavy damage. Least of which, many of our electrical systems need replacing.”

Rose looks towards Dai-Li. “That is where we were hoping you and your supplies would come in, my lady.”

Dai-li inclines her head again. “We have everything, and for everything we have a price.”

Tethys nods. “With your permission, I would request negotiations in person. And also as a common courtesy to new allies.”

“I eagerly await your visit commander” Dai-Li purrs. “And your business. If that is everything?”

Rose nods.

“With your leave, generals, Jedi…” She bows once and then cuts communication.

Rose glances over to Rey. “We need someone to accompany Tethys. Dai-Li has sworn to the New Republic and is rumoured to be sympathetic to the Populists but we cannot yet be sure she also supports the Resistance. We are too vulnerable right now to be opened under the scrutiny of the New Republic. This meeting will be, very…delicate.”

Tethys cuts in drily: “Not to mention, we are quite broke.”

Rey nods. “I will happily accompany Tethys. I have a few things to attend to first, however. I ask for a grace-delay of ten days.”

The circle shifts.

“What is so important right now?” Poe asks.

“I need to forge my own saber.” Rey states. “I can no longer borrow the Skywalker’s. They deserve rest.”

The circle falls silent.

Finn is the first to speak. “Then you should do that.”

“Try to be quick, Rey” Rose asks. “Dai-Li is not to be kept waiting.”

“I understand, general.”

There is an uncomfortable silence….The droids beep as the pause their recordings.

Rose turns to Finn. Finn nods to her in support. Addressing herself to Kylo, Rose starts,

“Kylo Ren. The three generals of the Resistance have summoned you to this council to stand trail for the act of war-crimes against the Resistance and the Republic.”

Finn can hear Rey suck air in beside him but does not take his eyes off of Kylo. The scumbag, for his part does not even blink.

“You have been found guilty of not only leading attacks on the Republic but also have incurred mass genocide, terrorism and the creation of super weapons, including the destruction of multiple planets.” It is the first time Finn has ever seen Rose angry before. Her fury chokes through her words. Her hands shake.

A wave of cold air spreads throughout the room.

“How do you plead?”

Without hesitating Kylo responds: “Guilty”.

Rey jumps to her feet. “Rose you have to understand! On Exegol I-“

Rose interrupts her, tersely: “Yes Rey we have all reviewed the report you sent us.”

Maz speaks for the first time. Gently she says, “Sit down Rey. Whether this man is Ben or Kylo it is not up for us to determine, but we _cannot_ ignore the past or change it. We _have_ to provide justice for the lives that were lost. Everyone, no matter who they are, must answer for their choices, and be weighed in the balance.”

Rey reluctantly sits down on the edge of her seat. Finn notices that her back is tense and her feet are braced.

 _Ready to fight._ He notes, sadly and with some anger.

“I am aware of what I have done.” Kylo admits. “I know I could never ask for forgiveness nor even begin to repay the life-debt I have incurred. I _am_ guilty of the crimes that you have listed, but I am no longer your enemy.” Here his black eyes fall on Finn. “Whatever this council decides to be my fate I will acquiesce.”

Maz speaks: “Normally, even one of these charges would merit the death sentence.”

Finn notes with alarm the smell of electricity, along with a faint humming, coming from Rey.

“ _However”_ Maz emphasizes, “we must respect the dying wishes of this boy’s mother, our former general and commander. The reason this Resistance exists. I personally must offer that this is a supreme victory for the light.” Turning to Rey, Maz says drily, “Rey, calm down. You’re going to light those missiles under you.”

Embarrassed, Rey lets go of the force-tension that was gathering around her.

“I loved Han and Leia” Lando states. “But I do not think they would expect their son to get preferential treatment. I say the boy answers for the crimes that he has committed.”

“I am much more valuable to you alive then dead,” Kylo says, a hint of his old arrogance seeping back into his voice.

“You’d be better off not here at all!” Finn responds.

“Okay everyone” Poe interjects, hands raised placatingly. “I have to argue that it would be a waste to kill him, however satisfying it might be.”

Kylo bristles.

“I am also going to trust my gut and Rey here. If she says you are good then I believe that.” Poe looks at Rose: “If we _are_ thinking of infiltrating the First Order I cannot imagine a better resource to have. As the General of Tactics in this Resistance my vote is to keep him around.”

Finn interjects.“As the General of Troops I cannot ask my soldiers to side with him. We all have too much history. They will think we’ve gone soft here or worse…that we only forgive _powerful_ enemies.” Here he looks meaningfully around the circle.

“What do you propose then?” Rose asks.

Finn thinks for a second. “ _Kylo Ren_ ” he says, putting emphasis on the name, “should be barred from ever crafting his own saber, will never hold a seat in council in the Resistance, will tell us everything he knows about the First Order and should be banned from using the Force.”

“You know I cannot do that.” Kylo scoffs. “It’s not just a switch I can turn off.”

“No? But you can switch _sides_ whenever you want?!”

“Finn!” Rey’s voice rings in the chamber.

“Enough Rey!” Finn responds, also shouting in spite of himself. “He might have a soft spot for you. But for the rest of us?...” He lets the question hang in the air. “He’s not part of this. And he never will be.”

 _Do not make me choose._ Rey silently pleads.

Silence again descends on the council. Finn suddenly feels exhausted.

Rose looks at Maz in silent debate. After a bit the two nod.

Rose starts, “Kylo Ren, you have been found guilty of inexcusable crimes, not just against the resistance but for the balance of life itself in this galaxy.” Rose’s voice drips with disdain. “I, personally, would like to see your death. However, I must agree with this council and our General of Tactics that you shall be kept as a consultant. I also agree with our General of Troops that you will never be welcome here. As General of Resources I vote that it is in the best interest to the Resistance that you be banned from all Resistant bases and live out the rest of your days in exile.”

“What?” Rey interrupts. “That makes no sense to keep him as a resource _and_ ban him in the same sentence.”

“Take it from me girl, he does not ever have to ever step foot here again and still give us all the information we need”, Lando states.

Rose nods in agreement. “Your communications will be kept as a direct conduit to this council; however, if you ever step physically onto a Resistance base, with or without a saber, you will be killed where you stand. Similarly,” Rose’s voice turns ice-cold: “if we ever find out that your flow of information _also_ runs into the First Order you will be hunted down. Is that clear?”

“It is.” Kylo’s face is a mask.

“But wait,” Rey begins, “shouldn’t we keep him with us? Show the First Order that their leader is not with the resistance? I mean, what better way than to get more defectors?”

Rose looks at her coldly “And do what with him? Give him troops? A fleet? Send him as an ambassador? He’s just painted himself as a target on both sides.”

“Perhaps the man in question would like some time away from being a soldier”, Maz states, squinting hard at Rey. Turning to Kylo, Maz asks,

“What will you do in exile?”

Finn isn’t sure but he thinks he sees Maz wink.

Kylo responds, “I will be happy to supply any and all knowledge I have of the First Order. Even as I speak however, I can guarantee that they are shifting power, dispersing it to make it harder to find.”

Finn has to bite his tongue. _A weak deflection_ , he thinks.

Kylo continues, “Under the counsel of Maz, I have also decided to gather force-sensitive and…” he stumbles, “and protect them.”

The circle shifts nervously. Poe coughs and Rose frowns.

Lando is the first to ask, “Why?”

“The light is weak. There are force-sensitive out there who are vulnerable to being corrupted, to becoming…like me.” He clears his throat. “With your permission” he turns to Rose, “and under your supervision, I would gather these force-sensitive and train them, using the Jedi texts.”

Finn jumps to his feet, “How dare you!” he sputters. “You are _NO_ Jedi!”

Kylo meets Finn's eyes. The two men glare at each other from across the circle.

Rose, calmly from behind Finn says, “Sit down Finn.”

“No!” He shouts, “after everything he’s done? You want to give _him_ the texts and...and raise younglings?”

Maz says gently, “Finn, I can see your anger. But this is his path. He can make up for the death’s he has caused by raising and nourishing life, teaching the ways of the light.”

Still staring into Kylo’s eyes Finn says quietly, “Exactly my point….I know what it is like to be raised by monsters.”

For the first time, something like pain flashes across Kylo’s arrogant resolve. He breaks off Finn’s stare and looks down at the ground.

Finn sits in a heap. He hunches his shoulders and leans on his knees.

Rose turns to Rey. “Rey? What do you think about this? You currently have stewardship over the texts.”

“I agree with Maz.” The words rush out of her, almost stumbling in her efforts to convince them. “I think _Ben…_ ” she looks over at Finn, again he avoids her gaze. “I think Ben will make a great teacher. He can teach the younglings in exile, which will protect the force-sensitive from The First Order and maybe even certain members of The Republic… Under the supervision of this council, of course”, she adds hastily.

Finn can hear the relief in Rey’s voice. He feels a plunging sensation in his gut. _This_ will be her future. He can feel it. Around the room he can also feel the energy shift from hesitation to conviction. Rose and Maz were already in agreement.

Finn feels broken. He cannot bring himself to look up from the ground. _This is such a bad idea._ He thinks. _By the time anyone realizes it will be too late._

Rose addresses herself to Kylo, “Are you even capable of teaching?”

“I think so” Kylo responds. “I was trained by Luke first, of course. I can still remember everything he taught me.”

“But you never became a master” Poe states.

“No, that is true” Kylo pauses to stretches out his bad leg. “But at this point there are NO Jedi Masters. No offense”, he quickly adds, glancing at Rey. “I have…also…. a”, he coughs "...a _unique_ perspective on The Force. I know the pulls towards the dark side and can arm my students against it.”

Finn, too miserable to even speak, utters a short, sarcastic laugh.

Ignoring him, Rose turns to Rey. “What do you say Rey? Are you willing to let Kylo Ren…” Rose sighs briefly, “ _Ben Solo_ , take the Jedi texts and start a school in exile?”

Finn can feel her answer before she speaks.

“I am.” Her words rip into him.

Rose claps her hands together. “Well then. It has been decided that Ben Solo shall live out his days in exile, teaching and protecting a new generation of Jedi. Should he ever come near the Resistance…he knows the consequences. Poe and Lando will start undercover operatives: recruitment and intelligence. Finn will start with his defection campaign. Lastly, Rey will accompany commander Tethys to Tibrin.” Rose meets everyone’s eyes around the circle except for Finn’s who still refuses to look up. “If that is everything for today?”

Everyone around the circle nods.

“Then I call this council meeting adjourned." Staring meaningfully at Kylo Ren Rose says, "May the force be with you”.


	8. Interrogations and Exile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben is interrogated by the Resistance. Rey returns from building her lightsaber. Before Ben leaves for exile he reunites briefly with Rey. 
> 
> This chapter will be the last in THIS series. I plan on making more with Ben and Rey (the start of Ben's school and Rey's time in The Resistance) but it will probably be under a different title. 
> 
> This one is nsfw;)

Ben POV:

The generals of the Resistance took turns interrogating him for several days. He was woken early (usually rudely, he noted), marched into an empty tent and sat in front of a droid while either Rose, Finn or Poe asked him questions. Each day he sat for several hours under the dim solar light of the canopy. He was only allowed to leave when the generals were satisfied. He often missed second and third meals. By the third day the questions became repetitive. By the fifth day they were excruciating.

“I’ve already told you!” he wanted to scream.

But it wasn’t the question so much as the asking. They wanted to test him. See if his answers remained consistent with time and exhaustion. His leg ached, his mind hummed with fatigue but he would not give them the satisfaction of proving untrustworthy. He was _their_ pawn now and he had to prove it. He was unsurprised to note that this interrogation was definitely more humane, but similar in nature to the techniques used in the First Order. It seemed it was a universal truth that someone needed to be broken down first in order to be trusted. When he had first joined Snoke he had gone through a similar, more gruesome process of starvation and torture, in which he had to denounce every aspect of his past life. Where this questioning lasted hours, his ‘indoctrination’ into the dark side had lasted months and years, at the end of which he was broken in mind and body. The entire undertaking had left him grovelling at his tormentor’s feet, desperate to prove his loyalty, desperate to prove himself worthy, desperate…

 _This is nothing_ , he comforted himself and hid it deeply within his ego. That tiny indulgence allowed him to withstand the monotony of these days.

Far away he could feel Rey as she forged her lightsaber. The process was proving…interesting. It was impossible to keep his energy only on her as he struggled to pay attention throughout the day and fell exhausted into sleep every night; however, he could still faintly feel her emotions as she travelled from frustration to jubilation and then a tinge of bittersweet grief. The pull towards her now that she was gone ached inside of him.

He gave them maps, lists, names, dates and locations. He even told them of his time with Snoke, his life before the First Order and what commander Hux had for first meal each day. He could tell that Rose and Poe were beginning to come around to him. Their questioning was beginning to abate, they were allowing him to leave earlier. The other day Poe had even shared an anecdote about putting engine grease in someone’s helmet. (“She was so pissed” he smiled, shaking his head). Finn however, still hated his guts. On the first day of his interrogations with Finn, Finn had paced around him like the predatory Nydak-- attacking him with his questions and poking holes in his answers with contempt and distrust. No amount of answers would satisfy him. Even when Ben explained the minutiae of the exploded star-destroyer, or every Dark Force ability he had ever been exposed to, Finn was still not satisfied. By the fifth day with Finn, once again going over what Palpatine had looked like, Ben felt Rey’s joy overwhelm him:

_The new saber._ It fit into her energy like an old memory. It completed and rounded out her spirit, her fight and her compassion. Luke’s voice rang in their heads: * **”** _This is a weapon of justice. Use it in servitude of the light”*_

Ben smiled before he could catch himself.

Finn rounded on him.

“You think this is funny?! Do you think I don’t notice when you ‘check’ out of here? Every TINY bit of information could save someone and you’re laughing?! Laughing at the Resistance. This is important to me. AND, it is important to Rey.”

Ben’s joy and pride came crashing down. With a bitter snarl he stands and towers over Finn. He feels the rage come burning up, fast as lightning, scorching his throat.

“Do _not_ threaten me with her.”

He could feel Dark energy, so familiar, gather around him.

Finn, without a trace of his former fear, takes a step towards Ben and looks him dead in the eye:

“You may be able to hide it from Rose and Poe and…maybe even Rey” he whispered. “But I know who you really are. This”, he said gesturing to the energy he could feel around Ben, “is who you really are. You will _never_ belong here.”

Satisfied, Finn turns his back on Ben. “My questions are done”, he says.

Ben swiftly turns and leaves the tent. Out under the glare of Arjan Kloss's star he fights for control. He releases the energy around him and tries to steady his breathing. As he limps back to his tent his mind reels.

_I lost control._

_(It was so easy)_

_I hate him._

_(He won. He’s right.)_

_I_ am _the monster they think I am._

_(It’s HIS fault.)_

The thoughts spill from his head faster than he can sort them. Anger at Finn and his bait; anger at himself for being weak enough to fall for it; shame at his anger; shame and bitterness that had turned a beautiful moment into _this._ He sits on the edge of his bunk and puts his elbows on his knees.

_Surely the resistance will kick me out now. They have all the evidence and proof that they need._ He thinks ruefully.

_A lifetime of being constantly under their thumb._

_A lifetime of proving to Finn. One tiny more slipup like today…_

He runs his hands through his hair and sighs.

After that day the interviews mercifully stop. Ben spends his days looking for the force-sensitive and preparing a rusty old Corellian G9 Rigger for departure. (The former pilot had perished and Poe was happy to get the large, clunky, spaceship out of his fleet). He was avoiding Finn at all costs but had asked Rose privately to allow him to wait for Rey’s return before he leaves. Rose, for her part had graciously agreed to his request, in spite of her impatience to see him off Arjan Kloss. Of the three generals, she had seemed to understand the most about Exegol, about trading his life-force with Rey. Despite still hating him terribly, he believes he had created a tiny, fragile, thread of respect with her.

Ben is trying to bargain with the quartermaster to give him a blaster when his stomach dips. _Rey is back._ He limps towards the clearing as the Millennium Falcon descends, his mind ringing.

_Keep it together. You’re acting like a child._

He cannot help his grin though.

As he enters the clearing he notices that a small group has also gathered, most notably Finn. The two men make eye contact as the vertical thrusters buffet the clearing. As the landing gear touches down and the hydraulics hiss Ben struggles with his selfish desire to see her again. With a monumental effort, he turns and leaves the clearing before the ramp descends. Across the clearing Finn releases the breath he was holding.

Ben walks back to the Rigger and climbs on board. He has modified it to be more comfortable long- term. He had removed much of the junk that was stored in the hangar and had also installed a collapsable bunk behind the cockpit. Still, the space is incredibly limited. He paces in the cramped confines.

_So close._

_(Go to her you coward)_

_Give her time to settle in…_

With surprise he realizes that he is biting his nails. A habit he hasn’t fallen into since before Jedi training.

“Nervous habit?”

He spins, embarrassed and elated. He hurriedly tries to tamp it down and asks, as casually as he can,

“How was the trip?”

She sees right through him. She smiles and chuckles softly, leaning up against the side of the ship, also feigning indifference for his sake.

“Oh, you know. New saber, made some friends, visited Tatooine. Some standard Jedi travel-story.”

“Can I see it?”

She tosses the hilt to him. He catches it in one hand and pushes the button. A bright yellow plasma blade springs to life.

“Yellow.” He turns to her. “Very rare. It’s a synth?”

“Two synths actually.” She says, beaming with pride.

“Two?” He cocks an eyebrow.

“I uh, had some trouble forging the first one…”. She trails off. He can sense her hesitation. He makes a note to ask her about it later.

He swings the blade, listening to the familiar hum as the plasma cuts through the air.

“Its beautiful.” He presses the power button and holds it out to her.

She steps forward to take it from him. The space in this ship is _really_ small. He had forgotten how smooth her skin was, that tiny little scar in her eyebrow, how the light danced in her eyes…

He clears his throat.

“I, I will be leaving tomorrow”, he says, looking away.

“What? But I just got here.”

“The generals have asked me everything I know, and more. They see no more use for me here. I _still_ will be under their constant supervision….no matter where I go…" He cannot help the bitterness that creeps into his voice. "But I am no longer welcome in the Resistance.”

 _Finn?_ She asks.

He does not answer.

 _Let me talk to him._ She moves to go put her hand on his arm but he brushes her off. For a split second she is confused and hurt but tries not to let him feel it.

Out loud he says, “You know it is not just Finn. I do not belong here.”

She straightens her back and grabs his arm, this time forcefully so that he cannot turn away.

“You belong with _me.”_

He looks down at her.

For a second he almost breaks. ( _Give in. Take her..._ )

He places his hand on her cheek and rubs his thumb softly under her eye.

“You would hate living in exile. You belong here. This?” He says and steps away to gesture with his arm, “These are your friends….your family.”

“You don’t know what I want”, she snaps. She is angry, frustrated and hurt.

Her voice softens, “Quit pushing me away Ben. You've been holding back. I can feel it.”

His face hardens. _Stubborn little…_

He uses the force to push her against the wall. Not hard, but just enough to catch her off guard.

Her heartbeat is pounding in _his_ ears. She does not fight him but stays against the wall. Above her irritation and anger he can feel her desire. Her longing to be with him... _completely._ Without breaking eye contact she simply whispers:

“Please.”

 _Holy skrog._ He swallows. He wants her so badly. The tiny rational part of his brain is dying under an onslaught of guilt and desire. So far on Arjan Kloss they had danced around their physical need for each other. This would be a falling off… a point of no return.

Trying to control his breathing he moves closer.

He stops in front of her, as close as he dares, his blood singing in his head.

The dark energy is screaming within him: ( _Give into your passions! Lose all control!)_

Leaning down he very softly whispers in her ear

“Is _this_ what you want?”

She answers by kissing him. And they become undone.

He pushes her against the wall. She responds by wrapping her legs around him. His hands are at her waist, arms, hair. He wants to _consume_ her. The lines between them blur. He can feel everything she is feeling. He lets go of all control and gives in.

When he enters her they both shudder. For a flashing second he feels her pain. He stops. She responds by biting his neck, _hard._ Drawing blood for both of them. He grabs her under her thighs, pushing himself further into her. She matches his movements until there is only their body combined and the pulsing electricity in their blood. He can feel her start to loose control, can feel the shock waves of electricity as it travels through their bodies. He feels the hairs on his arms and legs stand up as the energy surges in the tiny room. Rey tilts her head back, her eyes closed. With a sound somewhere between a sigh and scream she comes hard, bearing down on him. He looks on, fascinated, as light travels under her skin before he erupts inside of her and their minds go blank.


End file.
